Remove The Bird Feeders Otherwise, The Shit’s Just Gonna Get Deeper!!

Not long ago I bought a bird feeder, filled it with seed and hung it next to the bird house that was located next to our outdoor kitchen/bar pool pavilion that I have painstakingly constructed over the last three years. I have to admit, it was pretty cool being able to sit at the bar with a glass of single malt scotch or a glass of wine while watching all of the different species of birds that would come around to fill up on the seeds and build their nests inside of what Connie and I referred to as the “Bird Condo”…… Within a week or so, we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible bird seed!  

It wasn’t long until the ‘Condo’ was full, and the birds started building nests in the eves of the pavilion above our rocking chairs, in the fan support brackets above the counter top/bar, and in the eve ledges right above the grill and smoker.   

Then came the shit! It was everywhere!! On the granite bar counter top, on the rocking chairs and cushions, all over the corner bistro table and chairs,…… the Weber grill, the electric smoker, and all over the concrete floor,….. yup, there was shit everywhere!  And yes, some even landed in my glass of Glenlivet 15 year single malt scotch that I was sipping on while grilling up a 20 ounce Angus ribeye steak for dinner one afternoon!!

A couple times when I was sitting at the bar minding my own business, some of the birds even turned mean! They would dive bomb me and try to peck at me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket and given them a really nice ‘condo’ to live in. Not to mention all of the other birds who were so damn loud and boisterous that I couldn’t even enjoy watching a good Saturday afternoon ball game!

They just sat on that damn feeder, squawking and screeching at all hours of the day and night demanding that I fill it when it got low on food! 

After a while, I couldn’t even sit at my own outdoor bar anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and pulled the post with the condo on it out of the ground then used it for a target support at my pistol/rifle range. Within three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up all their mess and removed about twenty nests that they had built all over the ledges of the pavilion and above the bar, then installed metal flashing over all of the possible nesting areas.

It wasn’t long until the pool/pavilion area was like it used to be ….. quiet, serene, enjoyable…. and no one demanding their rights to a free meal or a free place to stay!!


Now let’s see…..  Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education, and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.   

It wasn’t long until the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services…….. Small apartments are now housing up to five families, you have to wait six hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor, your child’s second grade class is behind other schools because over half the damn class doesn’t speak English. Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box, I have to ‘press one’ to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people burning the American flag waving flags from countries that they came from are squawking and screaming in the streets demanding more rights and free liberties.   

Just my opinion, but maybe it’s time for our government to take down the gahdamn bird feeders.   Otherwise, the damn shit’s just gonna get deeper!!

Author: Bill “Lanny” Lanahan

If you think that I'm Politically Incorrect...... You should have met my Dad!!! Known as a 'Master' of Run-On sentences,.... I'm the oldest of six and as such learned from an early age that the more people you have as subbordinates, the more shit you gotta put up with!! I've spent most of my working career as a first line supervisor and manager. I wouldn't trade a day of it away for anything - other than maybe a good Cuban Cigar and a tumbler of Single Malt Scotch!! I'm the father of two sets of grown twins and the grandfather of 13. Every generation of my German-Irish family have served our country during WWII, Korea, Viet-Nam, Afghanistan, and Iraq. I'm a Godly man who cannot stand 'Religion', however some may say that I do 'speak in tongues' - especially when I get a bit pissed off!!

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